The yellow pages of the soul

Where are you resting that I cannot hear you?
I perceive neither your voice
Nor your restless breathing
Nor your heart beating close to mine

I looked for you with my eyes closed
And saw only winged beings
Omniscient beards
Kind and petrified looks
But you were not there

How do I search for you
if I know neither who you are
Nor how you dress
Nor how you greet the wind
Nor how you kiss the night goodbye

I know neither your music
Nor your song
I know neither your fragrance
Nor your shadow, nor your destiny

I only know that I need you
I can only recognize my longing
I only want you to show yourself
Even if only with a word,
A sentence or a smile

I tried to sense you
and I could only sense myself
I tried to detect your scent
and got back the perfume of my own dreams

I tried to imagine you
and I could only imagine myself
I tried to grasp you
and I ended up grasping myself

That was how I learned where you are resting
That was how I discovered where to find you
That was how I tuned my ear to your voice
And one day you spoke to me…

And I already knew your words
And I had long loved your utterances
And I received your counsel with an open heart
And thus you began to guide me.

Today I am grateful for your kindness
Joyful as the storm
Soft as sea foam
Vast as the desert

I am also grateful for your wisdom
Made of many colors and of fire
Of thunder and infinite spaces
Of light and reflection
Of women and men
Of children and old people
Of warm human beings

Above all I am grateful for your strength
Gentle and powerful
Simple and radiant
Enormous power to move universes
To change the stars
To open new galaxies
To release all contractions of the soul
With a tenderness that only you possess…

It is a great honor
To be guided by your voice
To be heard by your ears
To be led by your footsteps


Portland Oregon, May 1988